When you Plan too much

Well, when you try to control every detail and you leave out God's plan, in the end God will have His way. We can plan and manipulate and control and decide who can't come, but only His plans will be revealed.
NM decides this year to have a Thanks & Giving dinner for the FM, how swell....but you have to "register" to volunteer! What...I've never heard of such a thing. Long and short of it, folks plan to the inch, focused from the front row of the football stadium, but God sees the event from the blimp..He sees it all. From a birds eye view, He orchestrates it.
This year has been a great year for our family. We've learned a lot and have more to learn, but God has kept our focus clear, "Love My People" my people, my children, love them all. Get to know their names, meet their family, hug them, touch them....Don't get focused on His job, I just need to do my job. Love others. Boy do we get it all wrong when we try to control every detail.
In the end, good comes out of our mistakes, you plan for 400, 250 come, 40 homeless get to eat and they weren't even invited! He makes me chuckle.....I have to say I got a tiny bit of joy when "our plans" were foiled. Oops.

James The Electrician Update

James is the Man on the right. He has been living with us for 6 weeks now, waiting on government funds. He has gotten his first check, which will be enough for him to live off and no longer live in our home or on the streets. Now we will see what comes in the future, but I know God has taught us big lessons with having James live here, and to trust God in this situation, because it hasn't been easy. There have been many times where I've wondered.."are we doing the right thing?" Are we crazy? "Is he dooping us too?"
Well he got paid the day before Thanksgiving and he stayed for Thanksgiving, quietly, but he left the day after and has not been back(he still has our car. I expect him to call soon, I know he is so happy to be "somewhere" that he can afford. He used to stay in a hotel when he raised, collected enough money, now he's gone back to what he knows.
JT & I have purchased a home for him in the city, he will rent from us, a reasonable rent. One of the biggest problems we see in the city is there is not reasonable housing for our friends. If there is, the Landlords are cruddy, not caring about our friends, actually taking advantage of many. We have turned our ministry this direction. James will move in for one year and reevaluate after that year. Now this is all tentative, so I pray it works out, otherwise I pray God sends us another needy family to love on.
James has taught us big things. Biggest not to judge, really not to judge. I don't know why James is James. But who knows why I am Cassie. Why I'm over weight? Because of my behavior, which I find very difficult to change. Why our families drink and won't stop? Because when we are asking folks to change their behaviors to please us, it just doesn't work. God is teaching me to just love them as they are. And as easy as it is to love a stranger and not judge, I find it more difficult to love my family without judgement. So until I get it, He will keep sending me a "James" a "Dawn" a "Denise" A "Barbra"...until I too learn, He will only be the maker of change, not me or you. Only HIM.
When will I let go? I need Him more everyday to love me, so I can just love others just the way they are. Thanks to James...I am learning more and more each day. Of course it's God, but God through James.

Can't see beyond the turkey!

We begin to prepare for the Free Market "Thanks & Giving" dinner, with parameters put on the night before the night even begins. We(the church) where TG will be held, is expecting 400+ guests, "The Problem" is that there are Too many volunteers!!!!!! Have you ever heard of such ludicrous behavior? I have never in my lifetime turned away a single volunteers, to block what God has laid on their heart and to tell them...No we got it. All I can think about is when Jesus is feeding the 5000 and a a follower of Jesus thinks there is not going to be enough food, he tells Jesus, "send them home" Jesus says "No"..'where is your faith, there will be plenty.' We are not even worried about feeding them, we are worried they will be in the way, or it will be confusing...my heart is so sick with how we miss the big picture because we are so focused on the details that are blocking God's vision. I just got a message that a bus of St. Catherine's girls are coming! Can you imagine they want to spend their time giving and we tell them "NO". So funny...what is going to happen? I'm afraid for the volunteers who have given their time and love in hope of displaying what Gods teaching us to do...Love others...just simply love them.I pray the NM powers that be, will not show their fannies. But we want to tell God what we will do. Pray with me, for a night filled with love and Thanksgiving, Don't let it fail b/c of others shortsightedness. OH I'm nervous. I'm not telling my volunteers NOT to come...Bring it on! Not blocking God's blessings for anyone.

Bag Lady who stinks

Free Market:Meet Barbara

I met Barbara about 6 months ago, God has amazing timing. I met her through an individual who works with group home folks, Barbara was with her, I assumed by her demeanor and her dress and odor, she was from a group home. Barbara is in her 70's most likely, she dresses in layers of clothing, always bulky, very quiet, no eye contact, and always wearing the same denim skirt. We ran into each other at a meeting again in Church Hill at St. Stephens church. I wondered...what is "she" doing here? I just listened and barely participated, all new ground for me, still Barbara puzzled me.
One month later I attended another event for a local one time "Free Market" at the United Methodist Church and there was "Barbara" again. Same skirt, unkempt, little odor, greasy hair, a bit hunched over, just not a character I would probably spend much time with...Again...Who is talking to me about her? Could this be God nudging me?
I overheard her speaking fluent Spanish...I was so intrigued. We began to talk, I asked her about her languages, she did not "appear" Latin in decent. She quietly stated she was a missionary in Mexico for 23 years, I was shocked. I asked her many questions, she only answered a few. She remembered me from the FreeMarket, and I invited her to help me sometime....she came.

We spent more time together, I shared with her my son's struggles in Spanish, she offered to help. I took her up on it, ask her if she needed anything from me, she asked if she could take a shower and wash four items at my home. Barbara lives on Pope ave in Ginter Park, one of the most exclusive streets of it's day. She has no water, no heat, she receives $300 plus dollars from SS. per month, she hoards everything she finds, she sneaks out on Wednesday nights just to rummage through the recycle bins for the newspapers. She was left a home she cannot afford. Her neighbors have tried many times to get rid of her. She doesn't blend, she doesn't keep her yard pristine, she's different, she's a child of God.
Barbara is brilliant, she loves to read, she can tell me every verse I ask her about in the Bible. We have become fast friends. My kids are amazed at her intelligence, they don't judge her like I did. This story is not really about Barbara, it's about what God has shown me...my perceptions, it could have been Jesus, she has loved me without a single question, I have so much to learn. When will I love like Christ? Do what Christ calls me to do everyday I'm alive?

She gave her whole life to Christ, she has a BS in English and a Master's in Spanish, she has since helped me tutor VCU students in Women of the Bible...she was really tutoring me.
Serving Christ, has helped me, fills my soul with real love, there is nothing like loving others just because God says so, knowing there is nothing in it for me, nothing but His love. He is teaching ME.
Becoming missions driven with my family, serving a long side my husband has been one of the biggest surprising blessings of all, the gifts are amazing.
Barbara is amazing. I look forward to her being a part of our family, she has blessed our home.

Poverty Awareness

 

James the Electrician

Meet James, he's an Electrician. Graduated from John Marshall, has an associates degree from J. Sarge, 4 years from electrical trade school, and worked at The Federal Reserve for 23 years as a Electrician.Left the Federal Res. b/c it was monotonous, worked as a free contactor, his mother became ill ah he quit his job to take care of her. She dies, James never goes back to work. He was married twice, no children, her parents and sister are all deceased now, he has no relationship with his brother-n-law, he feels he has no one, "I like it that way...I'm a loner." James will turn 55 on Oct 23, that is what he is waiting for, his pension. He begins to draw stipends on Nov. 23(so he says). I met James last Christmas, that's when I recall meeting him him. He barely spoke, wanted coffee, maybe a new shirt, few items of food for his backpack and nothing more, no conversation, when he did, he was vague. Today,6 months later, James has been sleeping near by for the last 35 days, hanging out all day at the FreeMarket while I work. He's painted, odd jobs at the church, helps the music minister & the church custodian. No pay, but all the coffee he can drink and a place to wash his clothes and get a little bit of food. If he's lucky, someone will give him money for cigarettes...that's what he loves...cigarettes and coffee. James asked me for money..I asked how much...$20.00, I said "one time"..he asked for more later on..I said "no"...He's asked for money from lots of folks, asked if he could work for money, the church said "no". James is Homeless...has been since I've known him, he says it's been like 6 weeks...not by my calculations. James doesn't look homeless. Whatever homeless looks like. Nevertheless he's homeless.The preacher wants him to go to a shelter..."I don't want to go to a shelter with crack heads and drug addicts"...he'd rather sleep on the street. I struck a deal with James, if we go look for scrap metal and recycle it, I'd give James 1/2 of the money. He needs to find it too...and help me when I find it. We've cleaned out the entire church together, he's worked so hard, we find trash, go recycle it, he gets half the cash. At least we have begun a relationship that involves a mutual understanding, I understand him, it's not what I'd want for me, but that is what God is teaching me, He is NOT me. I feel like God is teaching me, I'm no better, can I just love him for who he is? Can I? Do I have to try to change him to be more like me..because I live in a home? I'm trying not to...at the end of the day, I'm grateful, to have worked with James and hung out with him, to drop him off at his favorite sleeping spot, and to drive on home to my warm bed. I've invited James to spend the night..."No thanks...I don't want to intrude." We are waiting for Ken" to call, he has a lot of copper. God has amazing ways of humbling me. He's teaching me HIS ways, one person at a time.

Happy Birthday Marie

Marie turns 72....With a crowded room full of friends, we celebrate Marie's 72 birthday while she beams on. We are so moved by loving her, our(my) lives are changed. I have learned so much over the last year and have so much more to learn. Trying to be so careful to not be so "superior" over folks who are "poor"...THEY are teaching me. It has helped me to question every move I make.
I met Marie a year ago at the freemarket, she came because she was in need, of course, food and "stuff". I got to know her a little and invited her to come back and help, now she's a member of NM, comes daily, she's the "Opener", gets there first and opens up for me and the rest..she loves that job. She's in charge of the linen room on Sat. and she always gets hospitality ready..I love her...Marie was orphaned by her mother, a story that is often repeated in our friends, giving children "away". Marie's father died when she was 7, she quit school in the 7th grade to begin working. She never married, never had children, and she was "adopted" by a family friend and has lived there ever since.
In the beginning of our working together Marie would hide things she'd find in the bathroom and then take them home, she thought I didn't know. The rule is when you volunteer, you can't take...Marie doesn't have the need to hoard when she volunteers anymore. She still loves "stuff."....plastic flowers, crafts from others, the crocheted toilet roll dolly that sits on the back of the toilet...just awaiting to be useful. Just like me, we look for things to fill our lives, when I'm not careful, serving will replace my relationship for God. I fill my lives with things too...just not stuff. I'm trying hard to be more like Marie(Mary), and trust God for all I need. Loving Marie..she calls me"Boo". I love that.

Dreadful Day at the Beach

JT & I went to Buckroe beach last weekend, without our children, they preferd to stay home and play video games, I despise video games. But we were delighted to go alone. However I missed them, knowing we would have had so much fun...delussions of gradure. 16, 11, & 9, mother and father frolicking on the beach. Instead we settled for alone , quite time on the beach just JT & I. After I got over the really "quiet" time we had, I read and just tried to enjoyed the opportunity God gave us. I tried to put the pressures of "we must talk" out of my mind. I prayed and just enjoyed our time. We did state how we wanted to bring the boys back here next week if possible. Low and behold, Sunday comes up, Palmer is not working and we go to church and deiced to make another jaunt to Buckroe, why Buckroe? It's about 45 mins difference, no tunnel traffic and it's fun and easy. At least it has been the last three times I've been.
Well take three boys, a footbll, shovel b/c Davis wants to dig holes, and a cooler of water. I remind them, there were jellyfish there last w/e...but I know it will be fun just the same. No meat tenderizer at home...it will all work out.
NOT. The children were freaked out by the jellyfish, Parker states "you bring us to a beach we can't swim at" Palmer says...5 miniutes into it..."I have sand all over my legs" Davis states "It's hot". I pray and want to kill someone, instead I tell them to go sit in the car..."with the windows rolled up" and when it's time to go, I pray they are alive.
As the day progressed they found their way. I held steady, I prayed silently..Please God let me not kill them for their ungrateful hearts and the rest took care of itself. Football, digging holes, picking up jellyfish and lunch and it turned out "fair". Next time I need to drive further, try harder and know they are children of God. Just wanting a little more from us in the way of giving our time.I think of the children of the city who are sitting on their porch, wishing for a day like this one..one in which someone will take them anywhere.

Interview with Walter

Walter won a sofa from the daily FreeMArket raffle, we have to go get it from my home. Go home Walter, drop off your neighbor and come back, I'll ride with you to get your sofa. OK. He comes back with his minivan, probably 80's version, the chairs don't come out. Do you have enough gas to get to Glen Allen? Uhhh..I can get some. Oh no Walter, let's just drive my car, you leave your van here at the church. I'll bring you back after we drop off your sofa.
Walter, can you tell me about you? My name is Walter, I'm 48, I graduated in 1980 from John Marshall, I live in Northside in a rented home with my children's mother and four children....I have two older girls too, with my first woman.
I'm grateful you are bringing me home, and thank you for helping me get the sofa home, it sure is a blessing.How is it a blessing Walter? Well I couldn't afford a new sofa, and the bag of food really does help. What do you do with that bag of food? We eat whatever is given to us.Have you ever gotten food from other pantries? Yes. Are they the same? Yes. NM gives perishables though, that's really nice to get meat. Where do you you work? I work for a temp agency, Randstad, they gave me a job working at a Warehouse for 7-Eleven. I make $9.00, 6 hours a night,6 days on 4 off. I haven't slept yet. I used to work for ffv, the cookie factory. You remember it? I worked there for 19 years, I loved it there, it felt like family. They closed their doors and moved to West Virginia.I hope I see my retirement pension when I'm supposed too. Me too. How long have you been with your children's mother? 20 years. Why don't you marry her? I should, I really should.
Where are your two oldest children? The oldest lives in an apartment in Southside, the 19 year old still lives with her mother. They are both girls. How long have you lived on Patrick Ave? Not long. I used to live with my mother on Montrose, but she passed and my sisters wanted to sell her house. So we did. We split the money, now I drive by there and wish I had bought my sisters out. One of my sisters has already passed away too. Do you miss your mother? Oh yes, she was my best friend, she died of lung cancer. We didn't know until it was too late. We had taken her to the doctor but the doctor thought it was an infection, it was cancer we later found out...too late. What did you do with your share of the money? I tried to save it, but then i just started using it for bills and then it was gone. The people who moved in keep it nice, I drive by a lot.
Where would you like to work? In a nursing home or hospital, cleaning. I'm good at that, but I can't seem to get anyone to hire me. Are you a felon? Oh no....I try to stay out of trouble. Are their drugs in your neighborhood? Oh yes. How do you keep your kids away from them? I try to keep them close by. My oldest son is ADHD, he's tryin' real hard to get good grades. You know he made scholar role? I was so proud of him. School doesn't come easy to him. I'm a little bit afraid for him this school year, he goes to high school. There are so many drugs in school. I told him to just stay away and to yourself and get your good grades.He's a good boy.
I take him to my home to get his sofa he's won, give him a bottle of water and he meets Paul and JT who are getting another sofa for winner #3, we have a surplus of unwanted sofas, 'cause we get new when our colors change. We have four in our garage, but I realize we are not being good stewards so we did a raffle to day, folks were thrilled, you would have thought we did a lottery.
Walter asks about Mountain road..is there a Crump Manor on this road? Yes, I wanted to apply there but I thought it was too far away. Oh No Walter, it's not any further than the airport where you are already going, just the opposite direction. I'd just hate to break down. I wonder if anyone would help me.I see your point. But I encourage you to try, I'll write down directions for you, let's go over them and show you it's not far. Would you like a recommendation from me? Sure. Would you like my information if they ask for a reference? You don't have to take it, just offering. Oh No, anything may help me. I'm off Monday, I'm going to go see then.
Walter was a kind man. We were put in the car together because of a free sofa. Our time was well spent, he felt like a friend. When we drop off the sofa, his children are hesitant to come out and greet me and his dad. His wife comes out, Karen, I've met her before, at the market. She's beautiful, I recognize her. Hey Karen...good to see you, we embrace.. I'm so happy for you. A normal family just trying to make it.
I think I have a lot to learn from Walter and his family, or little to learn, he's a lot like me. Only his color is black.

Busy Bee in the Night

I can't sleep...my mind is racing and I feel like I can't prioritize..so I got up to write. What am I thinking about...Freemarket, being over weight, discipline for the children, balancing my time, the job I've been offered...should I really take it? Paul and his job possibility...will he get hurt? I hope not..what God is doing in my life...trying to do....all the right things biblically..is that a word?
This is my mind...Then I think.."you're going to be so tired...and you have a big day." You must sleep..my joints ache..I sound CRAZY...I haven't been by to see the twins, they need a meal, I want to take my boys to the beach...I want to just sit with them and do nothing...but love them. God is helping me to see what is important, there will always be needs..always be needs, stay the course, do not lose sight of your children and your marriage....OK Whew!

Happy 1st Birthday FreeMarket

Happy Birthday to Us! We are nearing our first birthday...I remember a pastor saying to me..."I bet you'll run out of clothes"...I told him, "Goodwill hasn't."
God doesn't like limits. As a matter of fact, He's shown otherwise.
The year has gone by quickly. There hasn't been one week end when we weren't prepared. 38 week ends, we gave freely without restrictions, without asking for anything in return. We stayed the course for an entire year, not a day, not a single w/e. But an entire year.
Join us, August 8th, for our first birthday party. Without all of Gods Body, there would be no market. I'm so excited. Look for what God has done in a year...to come soon.

Give Me a Chance

Paul is my friend. He lives at a group home on Chamberlayne Ave. We've been friends for a long time, but I have a "relationship" with Paul now. I know where his mom lives, I know about his family, I know he loves animals, I know he likes gum. I have Paul over often to watch movies, today he's watching "Turner & Hooch". He's not much trouble, at least he tells me he won't be. He never is...he loves his coffee.
Today we turned a new corner, I took him for a job interview. Very informal, but it was a beautiful moment. "I hope I get the job..." he states. He's my age, 45 (I'm 46) he has a few issues but don't we all. I pray God grants him this job...I can't wait to see what he does if in fact he gets it. He's pacing right now, he says "I'm just nervous...thinking about that job."
Pray for Paul...and folks like him. I wonder what God has in store for Paul..and for me.

Go Light your candle!

 

Church Hill/Moving Up

Blessings realized when we took one week to gather items to fill a home for Ms. Robinson and her daughter Toni. She's moved out of a rented furnished apt, $625 to a unfurnished home in Churchill for $400 bucks! She's so proud of herself! And so she should be...we were lucky to be a part of the move...she called NM for the possibility of help...as we Christians do...she was "referred" to me...by way of sarcasm..."sure would be great to give her a housewarming..." sure would if "someone else would do it!"
Christians are frustrating. Why is it so hard to just do the work God calls us to do? Why is it so easy to pass the buck and refer it "to someone who can help you". What folks don't understand...is that they are missing out on the blessings God intended for them to have...but now it's mine. Sweet Thomas was able to meet Ms. Robinson, when he took his bunkbeds to her...that my friend was worth every dime of a year long Sunday SChool adventure!
It was an incredible day...Louise got everything she needed, refused the double bed and sofa..."give that to someone else who needs it...we have enough!"
Just keep trying! Trying to listen, be still, be patient and pray for Gods wisdom and guidance...when I really want to snap folks legs off!

Condemned for Trying

Apparently, money and good deeds are not enough to save us...doesn't the Bible say that in James? yes of course. Denise's home has been condemned, she has once again been displaced. She and her three babies have moved to a hotel with the help of the state for 5 days, she is unwilling to go to a shelter. She chooses to reject that option because her live in father is the dad of her youngest child, she states he won't let her go without him, shelters don't take men...especially unmarried men. There are many things we think and say..what are we supposed to do? We helped her mover her "stuff" Memorial Day Monday...into a shed of sorts, a conglomerate of mostly soiled, dejected, items. Filthy dirty, my children were not the least bit bothered, however my oldest son wants to know..."what happened?" I don't know the answer, however we know we have not stopped wanting the best for Denise, Raymond, Deshay & Chris. But for me, it feels like the time to pray deep for her to find "Holy determination" !!!!!
Please join me in prayer.....Oh yeah...she's pregnant too.

Taking the First step

God promises if I follow Him, he will make my burdens light. If I lean on Him, it will make my load lighter...each day I decide to do this...I'm learning a new way of coping..not listening to the devil's whispers of incompetence.
I received a letter yesterday....from my mother, probably the first ever, acknowledging she was "unaware of my pain" because she was too busy involved in her own pain.: That my friends is a first, and a direct answer to prayer...I got up yesterday and went straight to God..walking..trying to do it different. The letter was in the mailbox by 2pm. God is so snappy.
I'm grateful for the wisdom of Sue & Kelly...and many other Godly women, God has plunked right down in my path...listen He says...to ME!
I am grateful for His affirmations. I need them..Today.

Blessing of Real Women

It's been 3 days since I shared a big "secret" with 142 women, and the feelings I'm left with are drowning me. I never expected the low that comes with telling the truth, I'm sure it's Satan. I've lived with anger towards my mom for years, now I have to live with the fact that I haven't quite forgiven her it appears. After telling my story on Saturday, my mother unexpectedly came, I did not invite her, she rarely comes to an event I invite her to, if she does it's because she's "guilted" into coming. Not because she's ever learned what being a mother lools like. So year after year, she tries but never seems to understand how to love her own children, or grandchildren. Truly, I thought it was all OK. She is who she is. After sharing, she punishes me, as she always has by being "silent", until I decide I can take it no longer and call her. I'm not calling. Doing it different is painful. I continue to fall into the trap of "expectations." Why must I resort into being that little girl who is screaming for the deaf mothers ear? I cannot seem to learn how to lean on God totally, halfway, somewhat,...just not quite enough to feel His relief. I need prayers..I'm so grateful for freinds who love me, for the best husband, for children who are amazing, but I know still..only God can heal the wounds that are so deep...today they are oozing.

Peeps are out of the Bag

It’s clear and simple to me, that God puts people…like the Elijah’s of the world in our lives, Godly people for us to follow and people who are in need of Godly examples.
When your folks tell you, “So in so” is not a person I want you to hang around, we are not sure, if those people are put in our lives for our benefit…or for their benefit.
Clearly your folks want you to “hang” with Godly people of great examples…but you may be the Elijah…God has placed in their lives.

Today I want to share with you how God put people in my life, mentors, and how I was put in other peoples lives…I’m clearly more in tune with who God placed in my life….looking back it’s easier of course than predicting, and God has not spoken to me like he spoke to Elijah…But I know now how important women especially are in my life…especially older women than myself.

God has so clearly put me in places and situations that women played a huge role in my life, especially godly women, for a clear reason I’m sure. I know He has a plan for my life, and it’s my job to listen and figure out what the plan is. I’m trying to be a listener now… and not be in charge of where I want God to take me.

I want to relate one story to you that changed the course of my life:
When I was 15, I was clearly experiencing a lot of stress in my life, and in my home. We didn’t have an obviously dysfunctional home, but there was a lot that was lacking in my life that I could not put my finger on. I had a lot of Headaches, now knowing at the time that it is a clear sign of stress and emotional pain that came out physically.

I was not a good student, really I felt like it wasn’t a real big deal…whatever happened in school to me…didn’t really cause for any alarm…do well or not…so of course I opted for the path of least resistance. I felt as if No one cared…me either. So by the time I was 17…I was failing in high school…again…I didn’t care…and no one else cared…so at one point late May my senior year my father made a very flippant remark to me…”If your going to fail, you may as well quit” So I was a teen, and I was calling his bluff…and I quit…in May, 17 years old, went in and cleared out my locker, went in to homeroom and said good bye. I clearly remember “No one stopped me”. Now, as a parent today of 3 boys…there is no way I’d ever let my kids think failing was OK, not to mention to encourage them to quit….but that is exactly what happen. So here I am, 17 years old, Douglas Freeman student, everyone I know is now going to college, and I just quit school…what a bone head. I had no one who encouraged me to do otherwise, or that was really NOT the best idea I the house.
Looking back there was a lot going on, clearly. I needed a savior, I was not a Christian, was not raised in a Christian home.
There was this man, my guidance counselor, from my school who called my in late that summer and spoke to me about my plans…I had none. He wanted me to come back to Freeman and repeat my senior year; I said “No way”. I was never going back. I was humiliated and could not face a soul, I lied to anyone who asked if I was going to college, and I had no way to get in and no one to support me. I was out on a limb, feeling very alone.
This man then said to me…I have a plan for you if you are willing, no one ever had a plan for me…& I was interested in what he had to say.
He told me go to J Sergeant Reynolds…take college Govt & English, get credit for it and set myself up for the future, he said IF you pass…I’ll get you HS diploma for you. I did what he said, I got “a’s on both classes” I was afraid to go back, I didn’t believe him. For years I just felt like I never graduated from HS. I could not even tell you how I got in to J Sergeant, who paid, who helped me register. …but I passed. I tried to get into Old Dominion…I was told “You’ll never get in”…late Aug..of the following year, I got in, they called me at home, I didn’t even get a letter, its bizarre I can’t explain it, it’s hard to believe…I was called and told the only dorms available were the athletic dorms, where all the athletes stay…I said “Sweet”. Again, I have no idea who helped me register, all I remember was my folks going with me and dropping me off and wishing the best of luck to me. They never visited again, maybe once. My father wrote me one time. I worked like a dog to stay down there, but I had no idea how to study or what it took to be a good student, plus I met my very first best friend in college…Valerie Petersen, an art major, I was nursing. I took Anatomy, chemistry, Statistics, Psychology & Ethics… Again I had no guidance….just taking what I thought I needed…We had the best time of our lives…I failed out again…she went on the become a great artist.
I was on my own again. The good that came out of that year is huge, but the mentor who stepped into my life was a Counselor from EVMS who talked to me about the road I had a head…She said from this point forward, you need strong women in your life…older women, good role models, folks who can steer you for a life time. I believed her. I never saw her again, but I remembered her words for a life time.

The course was not easy, I made huge mistakes to many to tell you about, I was the family black sheep always stirring up trouble….but I was determined, and now I know God had a plan for me, no matter how small, I was important t HIM…it took me years of unnecessary detours to find that out. Painful failures, big mistakes, but eventually, he put the right folks in my path, and I like Elisha, followed the right folks. I was blessed with the most amazing husband I was Baptized, I was sent to Indiana against my will, I met another two key women role models in my life, one who insisted I accept Christ and start over, I thought for sure I was joining a cult, but it turns out God had sent her. I met another best friend in Indiana who insisted I come outdoors after being there for one year refusing to play and meet friends….because I knew I WAS LEAVING!!!!!!! I was not meeting anymore church people, not staying in Indiana, not doing it.
I did it after one year of solitude and torturing my husband, who was a saint to stay with me.
I can name plenty of women who saved my life; the Naomi’s of this world, who took a key interest in me, the Barnabas of the world who encouraged me not to give up.
I can remember being so afraid and mad for all I had done, the mistakes I had made and the forgiveness I needed. But then I was told…God will forgive me if I ask, and my life will be a new one. That is what I did, not alone, and not without key players in my life who always led me, who saw something I didn’t see…and loved me in spite of my failures.

So there is a happy ending to this story, I graduated from college, went on to graduate with a second degree from EVMS, I turned my life around and I always felt like I was trying to prove myself, my worth, It is an idea that has shaped me and it’s hard to let go of. It’s hard for me to believe I’m worthy of such love from so many…but I am.

It shaped my, my failures, as God knews it would. It has led me to this point in my life where my call on my life for me…is to help others who have similar struggles, who need a hand up. Who need someone to speak for them when they can’t and others won’t? I have gained a lot of strength from God, and from Godly people in my life. When I came back to Richmond after a 19 year absence…it was an insecure place for me…a place of remembrance of bad times…I needed friends…I prayed for God to send me Godly friends and he did. I am surrounded by women of all ages, different gifts, and different strengths, women who guide me and love me for who I am today. I finally feel like a voice for other women who can’t speak out.

I am involved with two ministries I love….I love going to foreign countries and helping feed and educate folks. I particularly feel called to Haiti. I have been raising funds for Haiti for over 5 years now. I have an additional ministry that I am involved with many women here today called the free market, where we help with people in the city who are in great need for goods, but mostly for a person who will love them unconditionally without judgment. Hands up ministry.

So in closing, I want you to know how important you are to other women in your life. That if there is someone in your life who is in particular need, God has placed them there. If there are women in your life that are guiding you and you enjoy just being in their presence, God has placed them there. Women we have big roles in others lives, don’t underestimate your wisdom. You don’t have to be “loud” about it. I am very loud in my boys lives, they know how important education is in their lives, they know how important God is in their lives, they know how important serving is in their lives, they know how important giving back is in their lives…They know they may not like it today…but God has taught me big things that I feel he’s allowed me to teach my own children, and last but not least, they are loved beyond their imaginations and are told DAILY!


Most of the women in my life are not like me, but I love who they are. If someone had just told me early on, I am not supposed to be like others, but learn what I can from others, it may have saved me a lot of heartache. Especailly teens, but there are many women I know that God puts in my life who annoy the pudding out of me that God has placed In my life to learn from them, and they can learn from me…Terry’s love of an experience & Wendy’s love of Joy and beauty, & April’s love for structure I too love, Valerie love for adventure, Trish’s love for her husband, Linda’s love for her grandchildren, none of those I’m just like…but I love who they are. I love what they can teach me.

I leave you with my latest trip to Haiti and pics from the local Free Market,
Both are ministries I invite all of you to be a part of. The Free Market is 10 mins away, Haiti is 1000 miles away, and both are life changing. I write weekly about the free market if you want to hear what is going on, sign up in the back. If you’d like to go to Haiti with me, we’ll go again in Oct of 09 and Spring of 2010, you have to be in High School to go, and you need a passport. I encourage you all to discover God’s call on your life and make a difference I someone’s life.

Haiti photos now: Comments First
Free Market Photos: introductions of Paulette & April, their struggles, achievements, and their continued needs for mentors.

So be a Naomi in someone’s life…a mentor
Be a Barnabas in someone’s life …an encourager
Be an Elijah in someone’s’ life…A Godly role model…

I’m grateful for my sister, who is a constant supporter in my life always.

MUFASA's Going to Middle School

Parker had his 5th grade graduation tonight from DARE...it's hard to believe it's all over! He had the lead in Lion King....and was amazing. This is the child who has come out screaming for most of his life. HE & I are like gasoline & fire, two things that rarely see eye to eye.
Mother's Day Eve, he came in my room and laid in my bed talking to me about random things for an entire 30 minutes...I was very aware and careful to make full eye contact, speak only when necessary, ask very leading questions, just give him my 100%...I was grateful, thanked God for the moment, I stayed as long as he was willing, he ended the conversation by saying good night and he loved me. Sweet!!!!!!!
Then it was Mother's Day morning, we are getting ready for church....first thing, I'm in my bathroom at my vainty, Parker comes flying in my room, no knocking in my home, "where are my black jeans????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!" In your bottom drawer precious. " No they are not, I looked, YOU gave them away!" It's true, I give it all away if they can't fit in it, often I don't ask, just poof, someone is in need, It goes. This time, I did NOT take his jeans. Parker is especially tied to things, I'm sensitive about him. I try not to do much without his "Yes". He doesn't take "change" well.
He awoke angry..normal. He's lashed out at me, normal, for no apparent reason. I have to pray extra hard for us. I found his black jeans in the bottom drawer under a second pair of blue jeans, one of two pairs in the drawer. His black jeans were for Monday Eve at school, for DARE, he just wanted to be ready!
I spoke to him as calmly as possible..."I'm trying really hard to be a good mom to you, I make mistakes, you have hurt my feelings, and I'm sorry for making you think I had your jeans." The end. This is one of a kabillion incidence that look just like this or worse. I pray for us all the time...I love him so...but he doesn't always want me to.

Living in a Black Hole!

This is the before and after of my "freemarket" friend, who is more than that...she is slowly getting her life in order with a little help from friends. If and when you ever get down, scroll to these photos of my pal Denise...who without any family...has dwindled her life to living in a 17 x 14 room, with three children and a "boyfreind/husband".
We got nothin' to complain about. Put your life inperspective, spend a little time outside your comfort zone, spread a little of Gods love and your life becomes enriched.
I don't know how it happens and that's not what I care about, it's how can I help her feel empowered to get out of the ditch she's in...if she wants out. that is a key point.
Some facts: Denise is 28, has four children(one gave away at 6mo ish), three living with her now. A significant other who has no license, no SSN#. A drunk uncle(70's) who lives in a room in the house, a roommate upstairs who pays nothing but runs up bills.
She recieves Foodstamps 300 some odd dollars, 300 bucks for Tanif. Total she gets 600 bucks. Her children are 10, 5, & 18 mo. She owes 600 to federal housing, she walked away from there b/c neighboors were harrasing her and stealing her food, (her stories), so in order to get back into Fed housing..i.e. Mosby Ct, Gilpin court, Known by police as "The armpit of Richmond" she must pay her debts and sit out one year for bad behavior. She owes $562, electric bill, 1900.00 back taxes(her uncles house),
her water is turned off(couldn't pay her bills), but her friend has illegally turned it back on and taken off the meter, if found out this could land them in jail...I surmize...something like that. This is what I know...that after spending hours with her I have found out. So when you are down and out...pray for Denise...she continues on, day after day after day, no support, her parents are deceased, her brother has washed his hands of her...wouldn't You? She is one of millions just like her...what do we as "Christains" do? I don't have the answers, I just take it one day at a time, one situation at a time. I sit with her...I want to run as fast as I ran in.
Does it help...our $450 buck renovations? Only God will show us...in His time, what I have learned is, my spending time with her matters...I don't know how much, but I know it does. What will happen next? What will God say in my ears in the quiet of the night? I love those children...

Playdate #2 Mimi & Deshay

Mama's having her teeth pulled to day..."Tassie, can I play in that sand box?" My own kids would not dare play in that sandbox, it's old sand with the past years leaves in it. Mimi and Deshay had a beautiful day. They had never made a sandcastle, never made a cake, never made pancakes...I gave them a frisbee to put sand into and taught them how to make pancakes...Mimi said "tan I have another one of those pancake makers?" that's a frisbee to us. Evidently she hasn't played much with a frisbee...so much we take for granted. Mimi can't say her "c's", she's 5. She can't count, she can't read any letters, she can't spell her name....but she is wise beyond her 5 years...she knows about foodstamps, no hotwater.."Thris gets mad at her"...Chris is Denise's significant other....our time is invaluable to these babies.

Poverty amongst us

For the last week I have been working with friends on this home.
This is the home of Mimi, Deshay & Raymond. This is their kitchen, they have lived liked this since Nov., they moved 5 other places before arriving here...thier new home. Their mother is 28, four kids(one given away), I've talked to you about her before, this is what poverty looks like in Richmond, she has foodstamps now for food, she's recieving tanif..which is temporary assistance to families in need, she gets about 600 and some odd dollars a month. She owes folks money, there is no way to see that she'll EVER get ahead. Her youngest is 18 months, it won't be until her baby is close to daycare/headstart age that she'll see hope..that's if she doesn't get pregnant again, "she hates taking pills"...her husband "doesn't like wearing latex" sorry to be so blunt...My question to you and our Father is what is our role in all of this. She's one of many women who need our support. A friend who is honest with her, who cares enough to tell her the truth. Who helps her by example, empowers her yet does not enable her. It's a very tight rope to walk on. You are drawn in by the precious children who resemble your own. We were there tonight, my children played right along side the neighbor children, they didn't notice thier skin color. One little boy, Keshawn, asked what we were doing in July? He wanted Davis to come to his birthday party, I said i think we'll be around.

What Happens in the darkness, will come out in the light!

Dear Free Market friends,
It was a beautiful day yesterday. The soup that was made by the youth(120 quarts Friday night before) was so well received and loved. One man went out to the curb, opened his up and ate it all, cold. He was hungry. The group home folks helped Terry so much and they are growing in their self esteem and self worth. Paul is really coming out of his shell and he is helping more and more every week, a person who can be counted on, very high functioning. Joseph, an adorable group home man, who has obvious needs, has to be in his late 60's if not older, was empowered by Terry's love for him and allowed him to really give his gifts and talents to making the soup. He has autistic behaviors and I cannot tell you how proud he was of himself on Sat and he took his quart of soup home and loved it tenderly. God is showing us so much each week. Collen read scripture from the Bible James 2 14-20 Read that! We are doing what God calls us to do. Faithfully. JT gave friends a ride home and the lady ask JT "why are you doing this for us?" JT states, b/c God tells me too love you and others. Plus he states, it's helping me to grow in my faith and in my worth to Him."
James, a freemarket friend, who clearly has drug issues, was so angry last week, I tried to talk to him, he's in a lot of back pain, he left last week without getting his food or wares, he came back this week. He was brighter, happier and I asked him why he was so different and he said he was in less pain. He asked me if he could come volunteer, I said sure, but you can't take when you volunteer, but God will fill you with so much more". He began to tear up, his eyes swelled with tears, and I asked him if he had a church home, he said "No, I don't go to church anymore." I said, "James, God will forgive you of your wrongs and accept you as you are if you ask Him to." Tears trickled down his face, I asked him if he'd talk to a Northminster member, he said "Yes". Angela spoke to him about " secrets" and told him she'd sit with him on Sunday, they had a deal. I'm waiting to see if he went. But even if he didn't go, the seed has been sowed. God forgives, he accepts us, we are loved. Life improves on Earth, your seat is guaranteed in eternity.
Each week we see more new faces, faces offering love and acceptance. BJ was new, home from JMU, a dance and theatre major, played the piano at the free market and pulled Taekwon aside and played with him, Taekwon has no father who cares about him, he's drawn to men who could love him. It's a beautiful sight each week. BJ took five minutes out of his time and loved him. Glenda loved on Taekwon, she ask him for his help in the kitchen, she was amazing with him. Taekwon lives in Gilpin court, he has a beautiful mother who some of you know(Paulette) the church has really rallied around her, she's now the custodian of the church and she loves her job, and I love her so much. She is so wise, I asked her if she thinks she'll always live in the projects, she said, "I prayed for this job and God gave it to me, and I pray to get out of the projects, and I know if God wants me out, he'll find a way." I told her I have a lot to learn from her."
The community garden opens in April, which will allow fresh vegetables for the friends of the food Pantry and Free Market, more help and love will be needed, please know none of this is done without loving followers of Christ. You are needed. Wednesday nights JT & Pam o. come over and unload the trailer @ 6:45, help is limited if not scarce. Terry & I work on Fridays with a very few faithful friends, help is needed 9:30-12, it's the only sorting day.
Sat we have so many wonderful friends, 10-12, more leadership is needed to pick up Paneras and show up 30 mins early to set up logistics, it's painless.
This is turning out so beautiful, we are certain it can only be God's doing. It is not hard and the gifts are huge and endless. If you have a story you want others to hear, send it to me. So much happens, I cannot begin to tell you all of it.
I love it all..and it speeds by quickly.
JT, Palmer & I go to Haiti(missionary work) in April, I'm gone for two of the weeks...YOUR help is needed. Please think it over, pray about it. Your commitment does not have to be life long, just hours.
All wares are needed, small furniture, kitchen appliances, housewares, need for silverware and dishes, linens and towels. Toys and shorts for men & children.
Love and thanks to you all,
His Faithfully,
Cassie Matthew
--
Cassie Matthew
"You know you've made it when you don't see color, you see the man."
Yele's father

Pals

I'm just grateful for my pallies, buddies, and chicklets I couldn't do without. Girlfriends to cry with, talk to, study the Bible with and drive to the liquor store with. Friends who come to my children's plays, friends who don't judge my mistakes. Friends who remind me of my husbands good points, and laugh at me when I'm ridiculous! Friends who getly remind me, we all forget things...even me..your keys.
Friends who have taught me joy, taught me fluffing up! You know these are all WOMEN...not men. Women are vital to my life, women without jobs, women who are on welfare, women who encourage me when I just can't stand my marriage another day(or 18 years). Women who love me when I have gas, when I spit, when I look like someone out of Deliverance. I've had great women in my life who have helped me accept Christ, who taught me the answers are in the Bible, who constantly teach me about forgiveness and perserverence even when I want to quit. Girlfreinds who constantly give me books to read..just this one..."you'll love it." And I do. Friends who let me cry and talk non stop...Friends who call regularly, friends who never call, but they(we) never leave each other. Friends who can walk out for years, and walk right back in without a blink of an eye, we love each other more and more with every breath we have left. Friends who have left their mark on me. What would I do without my friends? I'd be so lonely, sad, bitter and fatter. I wouldn't know about cooking(still don't), limits,(still don't)marriage(still don't), decorating, literature,abandoned buildings & feeling empowered to do what I want.
Just want you to know that today.........I have the BEST Girlfriends EVER! And just because your photo is not here..don't be sensitve...I'm sparing you humiliation today. I could NOT live without my girlfriends. I love YOU so.

Mother of Amazing Boys

Just to let you know how schizophrenic I really am, today I love them so much. Boy they are such wonderful boys, I just pray they will love me the same one day. Davis was accepted into the IB program this week, he's planning his route to college at 8 and Parker had the lead in Lion King last night. One minute Parker can't ask "where the applesauce is in Kroger" the next night he's leading the entire Fifth grade in the "Circle of life", it's no wonder I'm a crack pot. How can you love children so much yet want to snap their heads off so quickly at the same time? I'm amazed at how different they all three are, and how lovingly unique God has made them, but it sure is hard to parent three different personalities. One minute I have to be sensitive with one, sarcastic with another, motivating with the third and pray any of it is helping. We are just trying to raise boys who love God, kind to others, help the world to be a better place, go to college so they have choices in life and all while Jt & I are barely healthy ourselves. I cannot imagine why more isn't required of us before we have children. Why did God make it so easy for some to conceive children without a huge need for a study guide before giving birth? All of this parenting makes me a crazy Cruela DaVille, Sybil on a bad day and Mother Teresa once in a very blue moon.
However, today I love them very much, but I am also delirious with sleep deprivation.
Until tomorrow. I continue to pray.

What is behind our smiles!

Monday morning is shopping day for the Food pantry, let me put that cape on and head to the food bank with Terry, but first we must head to Starbucks for coffee, b/c we can't do our "volunteerism" without coffee, second we must go to the bank to pay her house payment in CASH...go figure, I'm not heading to the Food bank with her house payment in cash in a Starbucks bag...are you a fool, we're going to get bumped off in the head b/c we have $1000 cash in the car as we head to the food bank. So off we go and I tell her I need to stop at the liquor store b/c I'm having a "gold" party today...so i need LIQUOR! The liquor store doesn't open 'till 10am, it's 9:30, sorry you early morning drinkers...so now we have to make a second trip to the liquor store after our volunteerism....gig.
We laugh our heads off at the food bank, dodging carts full of canned goods, it's race to the canned fruits...I win, I have a better plan to knock the seniors out...you have to be a savvy shopper at the food bank or you are out of luck and out of the "good stuff"! We are making a run for "soup for the soul" for Friday night...as we head to the liquor store twice in one day! Plus at the same time we are bustin on the "diabetes's' issue everyone is so concerned with at the Free market...For LORDS sake, can someone just be real about what is important with these folks and most people? They need more than a Diabetes screening, they need a savior, someone who will keep their children from getting raped, someone who will care they are a depressed society of overburdened women...men who are down b/c they can't work...but let's screen them for diabetes's! Sounds good to me! Got it...and by they way when you are at the food bank, get the best fruits and vegis there are, lite, and no pork n beans please, and next time can you get more fruit!
People are insane!
How 'bout the rest of the world with their great ideas shop and care for the diabetes problem at the free market! Since when is it OK to step in and improve on a system that is far from perfect, yet you come once and a blue moon to suggest "the people" need more fruit b/c of their diabetes! Just love the people! Come, sit beside them, talk about the hard stuff.
Love, it's hard for everyone!

March Madness

Subject: Free Market Report 3/14

Dear Pals,
Second Saturday of the "new" system.....only my first Saturday, so I have nothing to compare it to. I can tell you we have a lot to learn from our friends about being patient. They are flexible, willing, kind, able, open, will not "touch" a thing without being directed to...and so thankful. The irony of the "new system" is none have been turned away...we put the system in place b/c of hoarding, madness, chaos, "people" who came from outside of the zip code, and folks who were selling the wares. Well in two weeks, we've given away all the food, created madness on our part, meaning I'm stressed b/c we've put "bureaucracy" on our friends, no one has been turned away,(b/c of zip code issues) and if they didn't qualify for food, they wanted clothes...one outfit they are told.
We just want to "love" people. love them as Jesus instructs us to do.There are great things that happen, and most does NOT revolve around food or wares. Most revolves around walking someone out to their car, us caring their groceries. Reading to a child while their parents are shopping, Someone helping "taco" find a pair of pants that fit, or helping Lonnie find jeans b/c he clearly can't read and figure out the sizes. Finding a turtleneck for Catherine, giving Charmaine(freemarket friend turned volunteer) a job, watching Zeldina & Marie busily(freemarket friends) packing bread, filling bags, and feeling like a "team member".
April is nervous she tells Terry, it's her first time to "volunteer", she's always been a shopper. April is the poster child of what God wants to see happen I feel. She came in November for Thanksgiving, Tim & Terry have dedicated their entire SUNDAYS to picking up April and two other families, EVERY WEEK...to come to church, b/c they don't drive and if they could don't have cars. She has applied for jobs, gotten a job, quit a job, still looking for the next job. She emails folks, joined a small group, was the one person who started a collection for the custodian who was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. She was given $5.00 and she wanted it to go towards Bible study snacks...that reminds me of the Bible story of where Jesus states she gave Sacrificially". She wanted her 3 year old son dedicated, her entire family came. Abby(youth leader) saw something in her....she GAVE April her car...Abby is now teaching April to drive, she is empowered by God and those who encourage her, those who are like Pauls' Barnabas.....telling her...You can do it April! We are so proud of you!
That is what we are about! Loving people, did they like the new sheets? Absolutely! Did they love the jeans and new under ware, without a doubt....but they really love it when we ask...hey...what's your name and tell me your story! Can I get you a hot cup of coffee?
Alonzo(first time friend) was blown away by his experience, he told JT that "you guys are the real deal." Terry S. had taken the time to talk to him invited him to church, he asked if there was a "Sunday school"...he came today...just as he was.
God is glorified....we just need to open up our hearts, risk getting close....OH, I forgot one thing, George(NHPC) took Moses somewhere, left Charlotte(wife) and she had no idea where he went, Moses has to be in his late 70's, he loved Carl...he's always asked about Carl(Jeanne's late husband), now George is taking care of Moses, Carl is beaming in heaven.
I'm so glad for the opportunity to give my heart, I am scared. Can we do it long term...I pray.
YOU are vital to the ministry............Just come and give your time, bring those wares that are building up in your home and have lost their value to you.
What you have to give is priceless. Time
I am blessed, I am loved, I am a child of God.
Love Cassie

Friday 9:30-12
Sat 10-12

March Madness

Dear Pals,
Second Saturday of the "new" system.....only my first Saturday, so I have nothing to compare it to. I can tell you we have a lot to learn from our friends about being patient. They are flexible, willing, kind, able, open, will not "touch" a thing without being directed to...and so thankful. The irony of the "new system" is none have been turned away...we put the system in place b/c of hoarding, madness, chaos, "people" who came from outside of the zip code, and folks who were selling the wares. Well in two weeks, we've given away all the food, created madness on our part, meaning I'm stressed b/c we've put "bureaucracy" on our friends, no one has been turned away,(b/c of zip code issues) and if they didn't qualify for food, they wanted clothes...one outfit they are told.
We just want to "love" people. love them as Jesus instructs us to do.There are great things that happen, and most does NOT revolve around food or wares. Most revolves around walking someone out to their car, us caring their groceries. Reading to a child while their parents are shopping, Someone helping "taco" find a pair of pants that fit, or helping Lonnie find jeans b/c he clearly can't read and figure out the sizes. Finding a turtleneck for Catherine, giving Charmaine(freemarket friend turned volunteer) a job, watching Zeldina & Marie busily(freemarket friends) packing bread, filling bags, and feeling like a "team member".
April is nervous she tells Terry, it's her first time to "volunteer", she's always been a shopper. April is the poster child of what God wants to see happen I feel. She came in November for Thanksgiving, Tim & Terry have dedicated their entire SUNDAYS to picking up April and two other families, EVERY WEEK...to come to church, b/c they don't drive and if they could don't have cars. She has applied for jobs, gotten a job, quit a job, still looking for the next job. She emails folks, joined a small group, was the one person who started a collection for the custodian who was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. She was given $5.00 and she wanted it to go towards Bible study snacks...that reminds me of the Bible story of where Jesus states she gave Sacrificially". She wanted her 3 year old son dedicated, her entire family came. Abby(youth leader) saw something in her....she GAVE April her car...Abby is now teaching April to drive, she is empowered by God and those who encourage her, those who are like Pauls' Barnabas.....telling her...You can do it April! We are so proud of you!
That is what we are about! Loving people, did they like the new sheets? Absolutely! Did they love the jeans and new under ware, without a doubt....but they really love it when we ask...hey...what's your name and tell me your story! Can I get you a hot cup of coffee?
Alonzo(first time friend) was blown away by his experience, he told JT that "you guys are the real deal." Terry S. had taken the time to talk to him invited him to church, he asked if there was a "Sunday school"...he came today...just as he was.
God is glorified....we just need to open up our hearts, risk getting close....OH, I forgot one thing, George(NHPC) took Moses somewhere, left Charlotte(wife) and she had no idea where he went, Moses has to be in his late 70's, he loved Carl...he's always asked about Carl(Jeanne's late husband), now George is taking care of Moses, Carl is beaming in heaven.
I'm so glad for the opportunity to give my heart, I am scared. Can we do it long term...I pray.
YOU are vital to the ministry............Just come and give your time, bring those wares that are building up in your home and have lost their value to you.
What you have to give is priceless. Time
I am blessed, I am loved, I am a child of God.
Love Cassie

Friday 9:30-12
Sat 10-12

Loving Unconditionally..who made that up?

Do you ever doubt yourself as a parent? I remember telling JT when we first got married the best present we could give our children was a "healthy marriage". Whew is that ever difficult, then you get three boys with three distinctly different personalities and whewwwwwwwwww I'm just out of my mind! I have loved this child so much it hurts. It is hard to love what you don't love about yourself...stubborn, closed, hurting, needy...yet so beautiful in most ways. I need prayers and guidance and patience and help and a good counselor and a foster home and another grandparent and an easier self help book on raising beautiful boys...who don't share, don't care, smell, pee on the seat, only want to play video games and talk about "Nazi Zombies"...I need help. Any help on forgiveness, on dredging up what God has forgiven...what does that feel like? We are going through it. Please know I want better. Someone remember that at my funeral...she really did want better...too bad for her, she was a nice mom...Emphasize NICE please!

Catch & Release

I just finished a terrific book ___"Same Kind of Different as Me", Bobby's mother gave it to me, i really didn't think she even knew me, seems she knows me better than I know her. I am trying to understand urban culture, so I don't put my ideas on them, I can understand their cultures and make personal mental adjustments, not judgements.
Denver states to Ron, "white folks like to go fishing and catch and release, Black folks go fishing and keep everything and eat it all." It seems he thinks we do Ministry like we fish, catch them at Christmas, Advent, Easter, or the homeless in winter or a soup kitchen on Wednesdays......Then what happens...we release...and head on to the next best one time commitment...VBS or 40 days of something, or CARITAS...huh.......do we really want to build relationships? Do we really want to hear their woes, do we really want to know they can't afford water or electric? If we did that would mean time...a long time...family time...a meal together.
I want to go fishing "black folk style". I want to try, I'm not used to fishing that way. I need the help of a savior...I'm afraid.