Parker had his 5th grade graduation tonight from DARE...it's hard to believe it's all over! He had the lead in Lion King....and was amazing. This is the child who has come out screaming for most of his life. HE & I are like gasoline & fire, two things that rarely see eye to eye.
Mother's Day Eve, he came in my room and laid in my bed talking to me about random things for an entire 30 minutes...I was very aware and careful to make full eye contact, speak only when necessary, ask very leading questions, just give him my 100%...I was grateful, thanked God for the moment, I stayed as long as he was willing, he ended the conversation by saying good night and he loved me. Sweet!!!!!!!
Then it was Mother's Day morning, we are getting ready for church....first thing, I'm in my bathroom at my vainty, Parker comes flying in my room, no knocking in my home, "where are my black jeans????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!" In your bottom drawer precious. " No they are not, I looked, YOU gave them away!" It's true, I give it all away if they can't fit in it, often I don't ask, just poof, someone is in need, It goes. This time, I did NOT take his jeans. Parker is especially tied to things, I'm sensitive about him. I try not to do much without his "Yes". He doesn't take "change" well.
He awoke angry..normal. He's lashed out at me, normal, for no apparent reason. I have to pray extra hard for us. I found his black jeans in the bottom drawer under a second pair of blue jeans, one of two pairs in the drawer. His black jeans were for Monday Eve at school, for DARE, he just wanted to be ready!
I spoke to him as calmly as possible..."I'm trying really hard to be a good mom to you, I make mistakes, you have hurt my feelings, and I'm sorry for making you think I had your jeans." The end. This is one of a kabillion incidence that look just like this or worse. I pray for us all the time...I love him so...but he doesn't always want me to.
You have such great boys but of all of them he reminds me of you the most. I love the picture of him and little you. See you soon. Valerie
ReplyDeleteI have one similar at home. You can't always predict when the lava will spew, but you try....and even when I see it coming, I often talk beyond the point I should making things much worse.
ReplyDeletePrayer is a wonderful thing, and we are really challenged to stick with it, aren't we?!
I might challenge your last statement. I'm guessing he always wants you to love him. I think there are times, though, when he's challenged by thoughts in his own head--being a wise, talented, giving soul that he is....that's a lot to carry.
I'm learning to give more space. Speak less...or at least more calmly. And trying to put on the shoes. Maybe I'd want to scream, too.
Continued encouragement to hang in there! God blessed us with our children so that we would come to Him more :-)