December 19, I receive a letter from my P.O. Box from a state prison in Va., every couple of months this happens. Sometimes I just hold onto the unopened letter for weeks, not wanting to open it. Deep in my gut, before opening, I know I won't be able to help. Sometimes, they are from old tenants, that have gone back to prison, I'm not up to talking to them anymore. I'm spent. I have a "wheel house" we all do, mine is just loving people and telling folks they are worthy, I really can't fix much, not alone. I do the best I can with what I have, but I will tell you, prison letters kill me, on so many levels, I didn't sleep all night, which for me, is the worse thing in my life, not sleeping. I'm not good for many when I worry at night about others. Really, last night I felt anger about the person who wrote me, but ultimately, I know it didn't start as his fault, I'd guess he grew up with others going to prison, that's what we do, we emulate our parents, or guardians who raised us, or who we saw that gave us a small sense of direction or purpose. This writer; I'll call him #54321, that's what prison calls them, numbers, not even a name, you are no longer even a person in prison, just a number so that you don't go missing and they come after you, by your number. Mr. #54321 wants a place to stay, because he found out that is what HUM can do, having no idea how this happens, unless he has access to google searches, but HUM is pretty clear, we are a "working, housing, non profit, rent to homeownership." This person tells me, he has a small amount of money, disability, but may lose it now b/c of prison, he's been there awhile b/c he's not sure he has it any more. The more I read, the more questions I have, the more angry I get about a system of punishment that really sets up people to be a FAILURE the rest of their lives, which my guess is, leads them back to prison, we call this "recidivism." After reading this letter my heart says; he will always be poor or in prison, we are lacking in resources to get these guys out of poverty, he will lead a life of crime.
I'm sure by now, YOU have answers, stating "No, he won't." He can do WHAT? He can't work, He is a Felon, a criminal, he has no money, no family, no one who cares about him, weather he ever comes home. But guess what, he has kids.....yes, he procreated before going to prison, unmarried, and "the babies momma let them go into foster care." That is what he said. All night I thought of those babies, all night long. They were LET GO! Those poor little broken babies, and the cycle begins again for those tiny little babies who did NOT ASK to be born, and now will suffer the system of foster care. Maybe they will be loved, maybe they will be molested, the truth is, no matter what; they just want to be with their parents; one is a crackhead, one is a prisoner. This takes me to "ProLifer's", I think of this all the time, because I spend my days dealing with broken adults, who were not loved, and they led a life of hurt and angst, and survived, and by Grace and Mercy they are trying to put their lives back together, but those who "make it" are few. People are "Pro life" as infants, but once they are no longer babies, we are no longer caring about "LIFE". These babies go to prison, because no one loved them.
All I can think of is who cares about those babies? No one. I want to write a letter of angst, where are you for these kids? Why did YOU leave them, why aren't you in school? Why aren't you TRYING to better yourself in prison, get a trade, something you CAN do when you get out. Apparently, our prison system isn't set up that way in every prison, some just sit and wait for time to pass, playing cards, eating, getting tattoos, wasting, but passing time. Costing tax dollars to climb, and do nothing with this man to prepare him for exiting prison. Now it is 7(seven) months before #54321 gets out, and he is concerned he has no place to go, because in prison, you need to tell someone at the prison gate, where you will live, if you have no where to live, you stay a little longer. Our systems of punishment don't work, neither on the inside or the outside, and especially never for the babies of prison families. You get punished for bad behavior, but what we forget to do is teach people how to live, after they have been punished, and the cycle of poverty begins: for the inmate, for the baby's mama, and for those precious "pro life" babies everyone wanted to have, until now, they are in foster care. When will we have solutions that work for this ferris wheel that never stops hurting people?
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